Gosh it has been a long while since I have posted. My good friend Ashley told me she misses reading my blogs, and you know what I miss writing them. It is definitely an outlet for me. To catch you up to speed I started my journey at 342lbs, and I am down to 260lbs. Which is great I just wish I was farther along I have hit a plateau and need to wade it out and not get discouraged; easier said than done. Plus I have more stress in my life. My ex-fiancee decided to move back to town and is being a lying deceitful snake that doesn't deserve the energy of me even writing about him in this blog, but alas, when someone hurts you, its hard not to think about it. I am usually a person who allows myself one day of pity partying and then I pick myself up, brush myself off, and move on. For some reason I am not able to do that this time. I really am just praying for God to heal my wounds. I feel so alone. I used to hang out with a group of girls from work, but everyone seems to have found a significant other and moved on. Why can't I? Am I destined to be alone forever? I don't know what has gotten into me. Usually I would say I don't need a man, and I would mean it, but this past week, I just really want to be with someone who loves me, who lets me know I am worth it. I want to be with someone who thinks of me when he wakes up and I am the last thing he thinks of when his head hits the pillow. SOmeone who thinks of me as their everything. My parents have that kind of love. Is it pathetic that I envy them? Well anyways it is ncie to get all of this off my chest. I will try and keep up with my posts, it does keep me on track. TTYS.

Hi everyone. I was out of town from last wed. until Monday so I haven't blogged in awhile. I was really proud of myself. I only cheated once during my vacation, and it was having a small piece of cookie cake for my cousins sons birthday. The old me would have eaten everything in site, and had a couple pieces of cookie cake because I was on vacation. I would have thrown everything out the window, but I didn't. In fact I spread the message of good health to my family in Kentucky. I started my Aunt on my new lifestyle change a low carb (not no carb), low fat, high protein diet. It made me feel so good to spread my message! The best part! When I came home I had lost 2 lbs! Other bonuses I didn't spread my girth into the persons seat next to me, and the seat belt fit (I use to have to use an extender). So all around it has been an awesome week. I am looking forward to weigh in on Thursday!!!

So . . . I didn't have a great week in regards to my diet. I ordered girl scout cookies from a friend of mine a month or so ago, and thought it would be okay, I could freeze them, and eat a few on cheat day. I did great the first two days I didn't have any, none, zip, zilch, nada . . . go me . . or so I thought. Cheat day rolled around and instead of eating a few Samoas, I ate the whole darned box, yes you read that correctly the whole box, no one else just me. I know. I know. Why did I tempt myself and buy them in the first place? Well for the simple fact that I thought I could resist the temptation. I am around it all day every day. The people around me eat junk, and I resist. I actually prefer the taste and the way I feel after a healthy meal as compared to the nasty McDonald's I used to eat. Well no such luck this time I broke down. I could say it was because I was depressed or something bad happened, but nope, I was fine, they were just calling to me, like the forbidden fruit in Eden and I, like Eve was tempted. I decided to forgive myself for this, and move on. Yes I ate the box, but I have regained my will power, it won't happen again. On a better note. I went over to a friends house who was getting rid of some clothes. She wanted me to go through them and if I wanted any to take them before she had her yard sale. She wanted me to try on the clothes, I didn't want to because they were all a size 20 and I just knew they weren't going to fit me. I believed in my head I was size 24. Well, I tried on the clothes, and darned if they didn't fit, I was ecstatic. I went from a size 28 to a size 20, and from a 4X to a 2X and cane fit into a 1X snuggly. I could not even fit a 1X over my head and shoulders a few months ago. This little victory came at a great time. I am now reinvigorated. Also, I was at work and a CNA on one of the floors I was onasked me if I had lost weight, because I looked great, and I told her I had, and the three RN's that were around all just started The Medi WEightloss Center that I have been doing since October 28th. I just love meeting people that are doing the same diet I am on, or who are interested in it. I give them little tips and tricks, and this in turn motivates me to do better. So here is to Ashley, Michelle, and Dan my new partners in weightloss. On that same note, if you are on Facebook, you can join my facebook group "Weightloss Warriors".

Small victory. . .

I did my Wii Fit today I hadn't done it in awhile. So, I stepped on the balance board and the last time I had done it (November 26th) I was 311.1 lbs, today I was 280.4 lbs, that is a difference of 30.7lbs in 2 and a half months, I was ecstatic. I had been going to the gym instead of using my Wii Fit and then I stopped going to the gym, so I decided to start using my Wii Fit again. I forgot how much fun it was. I burned 152 calories in only 30 minutes (awesome). I also wrote 3 post it notes to place on my scale. So all-in-all today was a great day. I am looking forward to tomorrow ( I work the night shift so my new day starts in the afternoon).

Today was a good day in regards to my eating. I decided to be proactive today. I knew I would want a yummy, greasy cheeseburger again today, so I went grocery shopping. Yes I know, it sounds dangerous, but read on :) I bought fat free ground chicken burgers. I made 2 delicous chicken burgers with lettuce, grilled tomato, 1/2 a slice of 2% cheese (each), and mustard. They were better than any burger I would have bought at a restaurant or fast food chain, and at a total of 350 calories, 4 grams of fat, and 2 carbs I didn't have to feel guilty.
Go me! Then I was reading one of the blogs I follow "Project 365" and the writer had a great idea she calls it the "I Am Worth More Challenge"

This is taken straight from her post:

This challenge is to promote and remind you that while the scale is a tool that can be used on this journey- it does not define your success NOR does it define you! I PROMISE that if you can't love yourself for who you are as person at the weight you are at now, nothing will change when you reach your goal weight- YOU ARE WORTH MORE than what you weigh!

Wanna take the I AM WORTH MORE Challenge? Here's what you'll need to do:

1- Get post it notes.

2- Every day that you do something to take a step toward your goal, write it on the post it note. Some examples might be: I didn't get cheese on my sandwhich, I chose to park at the furthest spot in the parking lot to get in some extra walking, I skipped Starbucks, I worked out today, I ate a healthy breakfast, I read blogs that I know encourage and inspire me. Write down ANYTHING that constitutes a successful decision that shows the change you are making.

3- At the end of each day take the post it notes that you have written your successful steps on and stick them on your scale.

4- At the end of the week (on whatever day you weigh in) your scale should (hopefully!) be completely covered with the good things that you have done for yourself and have gotten you closer to reaching your goal and you shouldn't be able to see the # on the scale at all. You will completely skip your weigh in that week.

5- Post a pic of your scale covered in post it notes to celebrate with the rest of us all of the REAL accomplishments that you made.

When you are standing on the scale looking down you will be looking at all of the decisions that you made this week that should either make you feel proud or let you know that you aren't working hard enough- let it be THOSE decisions- not some # that fluctuates like the dickens, be what allows you to step off the scale with pride."

I am going to do this, and I encourage you to as well! I think I might just do this weekly.

Hungry, Hungry Hippo . . . .

God I really want a yummy, juicy, huge cheeseburger. I can almost taste it in my mouth. I want nothing more than to hop in my car and go to McDonald's and get a Double Quarter Pounder with cheese, french fries, and a shake. I know as soon as I do though, I will feel sick, and disappointed in myself, so for the moment I am staying strong. I am going to blog instead, and then hit the gym. I need to keep myself busy. I went to dinner tonight with one of my good friends and she ordered a Cheeseburger. I could have very well ordered one without a bun, but instead opted for grilled chicken breast and a salad. I really wanted dessert too, but I didn't. When I feel down, and have these cravings I feel like a fraud a failure. I am trying to lose weight to get healthy and to inspire others, and here I am and can't take care of myself. Sure I have lost 61 lbs, but I still have 110-120 to go (my goal weight is 160-170lbs, I am 5'9). I will be 30 years old this year. 30! I don't want to be fat anymore. I am tired of being ignored. Some people have issues because people who don't know them are mean to them. Not me, I have the opposite problem. If someone doesn't know me, they ignore me. Unfortunately, we are such a vain society that looks do mean something. I will have to stay steadfast when I lose the weight and remind myself not to revert back to those old ways. TO remember what it was like to be obese. I know I will hit my goal weight. I have to. I cannot let myself down, I have done enough of that. I want to meet a man who will sweep me off my feet, and love me because I have a great personality and because I am beautiful both. I want to live to see my brother and his wife have children. To see my best friend graduate college. I know that if I don't continue in this weight loss journey I may not be alive to watch these things come to light. I am 282 lbs. People say how great I am looking, and I think yes, you can tell a little. But damn I have lost 61 lbs. That is a small child! Shouldn't I look skinnier? Shouldn't you be able to tell more? I know when I tell people who don;t know me they think in their heads wow, then how fat was she? They'd have to think that. I mean I would! Unfortunatley this has been a Debbie Downer blog. I am sorry. Just in one of those modds I guess. Thank God for this site though, because the old me would have found a way to get my burger, lol.