So . . . I didn't have a great week in regards to my diet. I ordered girl scout cookies from a friend of mine a month or so ago, and thought it would be okay, I could freeze them, and eat a few on cheat day. I did great the first two days I didn't have any, none, zip, zilch, nada . . . go me . . or so I thought. Cheat day rolled around and instead of eating a few Samoas, I ate the whole darned box, yes you read that correctly the whole box, no one else just me. I know. I know. Why did I tempt myself and buy them in the first place? Well for the simple fact that I thought I could resist the temptation. I am around it all day every day. The people around me eat junk, and I resist. I actually prefer the taste and the way I feel after a healthy meal as compared to the nasty McDonald's I used to eat. Well no such luck this time I broke down. I could say it was because I was depressed or something bad happened, but nope, I was fine, they were just calling to me, like the forbidden fruit in Eden and I, like Eve was tempted. I decided to forgive myself for this, and move on. Yes I ate the box, but I have regained my will power, it won't happen again. On a better note. I went over to a friends house who was getting rid of some clothes. She wanted me to go through them and if I wanted any to take them before she had her yard sale. She wanted me to try on the clothes, I didn't want to because they were all a size 20 and I just knew they weren't going to fit me. I believed in my head I was size 24. Well, I tried on the clothes, and darned if they didn't fit, I was ecstatic. I went from a size 28 to a size 20, and from a 4X to a 2X and cane fit into a 1X snuggly. I could not even fit a 1X over my head and shoulders a few months ago. This little victory came at a great time. I am now reinvigorated. Also, I was at work and a CNA on one of the floors I was onasked me if I had lost weight, because I looked great, and I told her I had, and the three RN's that were around all just started The Medi WEightloss Center that I have been doing since October 28th. I just love meeting people that are doing the same diet I am on, or who are interested in it. I give them little tips and tricks, and this in turn motivates me to do better. So here is to Ashley, Michelle, and Dan my new partners in weightloss. On that same note, if you are on Facebook, you can join my facebook group "Weightloss Warriors".

Hungry, Hungry Hippo . . . .

God I really want a yummy, juicy, huge cheeseburger. I can almost taste it in my mouth. I want nothing more than to hop in my car and go to McDonald's and get a Double Quarter Pounder with cheese, french fries, and a shake. I know as soon as I do though, I will feel sick, and disappointed in myself, so for the moment I am staying strong. I am going to blog instead, and then hit the gym. I need to keep myself busy. I went to dinner tonight with one of my good friends and she ordered a Cheeseburger. I could have very well ordered one without a bun, but instead opted for grilled chicken breast and a salad. I really wanted dessert too, but I didn't. When I feel down, and have these cravings I feel like a fraud a failure. I am trying to lose weight to get healthy and to inspire others, and here I am and can't take care of myself. Sure I have lost 61 lbs, but I still have 110-120 to go (my goal weight is 160-170lbs, I am 5'9). I will be 30 years old this year. 30! I don't want to be fat anymore. I am tired of being ignored. Some people have issues because people who don't know them are mean to them. Not me, I have the opposite problem. If someone doesn't know me, they ignore me. Unfortunately, we are such a vain society that looks do mean something. I will have to stay steadfast when I lose the weight and remind myself not to revert back to those old ways. TO remember what it was like to be obese. I know I will hit my goal weight. I have to. I cannot let myself down, I have done enough of that. I want to meet a man who will sweep me off my feet, and love me because I have a great personality and because I am beautiful both. I want to live to see my brother and his wife have children. To see my best friend graduate college. I know that if I don't continue in this weight loss journey I may not be alive to watch these things come to light. I am 282 lbs. People say how great I am looking, and I think yes, you can tell a little. But damn I have lost 61 lbs. That is a small child! Shouldn't I look skinnier? Shouldn't you be able to tell more? I know when I tell people who don;t know me they think in their heads wow, then how fat was she? They'd have to think that. I mean I would! Unfortunatley this has been a Debbie Downer blog. I am sorry. Just in one of those modds I guess. Thank God for this site though, because the old me would have found a way to get my burger, lol.